zombiedisco101

• Notice of Copyright  -  all writing not attributed to others that is posted here by  "zombiedisco101," including his writing posted other places in LiveJournal, is Copyright by him on date of posting.
• Layout  -  a) "titles" - "tags" are fiction titles (most of the posts here), b) /titles/ - /tags/ are nonfiction titles, c) [tags] are lj communities or other websites, d) plain tags are subjects.
• Comments  -  are periodically cleaned out and deleted.

(beginning with Twitter post and replies to @AudraEqualityMc by @zombiedisco101, after the Minnesota State Senate cleared the way to allow same-sex marriage in the state; a turn on the music and lyrics of "Oklahoma" by Richard Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein)

AM:
MIIIIIIIIIINNESOTA where equality's sweepin' down the plain!

ZD:
And the wavin' wheat, can sure smell sweet
When freedom comes right behind the rain

MIIIIIIIIIINNESOTA, Ev'ry night my same-sex lamb and I
Sit alone and talk, and watch a hawk
Makin' lazy circles in the sky

Our love isn't based on our glands
Cuz the glands that we all have are grand
And when we say
Yeeow! A-yip-i-o-ee-ay!
We're only sayin' you're doin' fine Minnesota
Minnesota, you're gay

And straight
And bi
And great
Minnesota

... it's about time

2013-05-13 18:24:35 (158 words)

(from twitter posts to #fallonmono by @zombiedisco101)


"Do you know who I'm married to?" -- Reese Witherspoon's husband (1/2) *

"No idea. But I'm sure you can find her name in the prenuptial agreement." -- Police Officer (2/2)

It's been a nostalgic couple of weeks. First, Margaret Thatcher dies. Then we're reminded Reese Witherspoon isn't dead.

At least, when arrested in Atlanta for disorderly conduct, Witherspoon did not utter ethnic slurs about Yankees. (1/2)

Which is a plus for her career. Yankees love movies about life in the basement states. (2/2)

2013-04-22 09:15:54 (91 words)

__________
* Reese Witherspoon arrested for disorderly conduct, husband for DUI

(photo by Barry Chin, Boston Globe, 20130420 *)

(from twitter @KatrinaNation post, reply from @zombiedisco101)

Q: What is the new "normal"?

A: This photo -- individual life as the newer-better evo'd us, still constrained by remnants from the tribal beastie night.

2013-04-21 10:00:00 (23 words)

_______________
* photo from Boston Globe story

(from twitter post to @jimmyfallon #fallonmono by @zombiedisco101)


1)
... in silent memorium; on desk, small photo of M. Thatcher, bouquet of various, colored pound notes w/stems, wrapped in cellophane

2)
... you as Elton John singing "Pound Note in the Wind"
(lyrics below are a play on the original 1973 "Goodbye Norma Jean ..." version of "Candle in the Wind," from the album "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road"; music by: Elton John; lyrics by: Bernie Taupin)

Goodbye Margaret T
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to keep a stoney face
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the factories
And they crawled out of the mines
They were working beggars now
Just rude people with rude minds

(chorus)
And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a pound note in the wind
You always knew just what to cling to
Dogmatic to the end
And though I only knew the public you
From when I was a kid
That candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

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2013-04-10 08:11:54 (420 words)

(from twitter #breaking @zombiedisco101)


@jimmyfallon #fallonmono #breaking ... "Today Margaret Thatcher's heart officially turned to stone."

@jimmyfallon #fallonmono #breaking ... "Thatcher Dead, But Her Economic Legacy Lives On -- A Little Longer"

@jimmyfallon #fallonmono #breaking ... "Captain Jack 'Margaret Thatcher' Sparrow died today, as Global Pirates held their cannon fire in tribute."

@jimmyfallon #fallonmono #breaking ... "Thatcher helped replace the tradition of work as a trade, with the tradition of trading money." (1/2)

@jimmyfallon #fallonmono #breaking ... "So it was fitting that at memorials across the UK people lined up to leave bouquets of fresh pound notes." (2/2)

2013-04-08 09:23:36 (92 words)

__________________
Tina Brown ‏@TheTinaBeast @thedailybeast
... Maggie was the greatest glass-ceiling breaker ever...a pioneer woman who also took on the British class system

@zombiedisco101
@TheTinaBeast @thedailybeast ... And helped turn it into the Global money class system. Replacing old moneydoms with new, is working better?

@jimmyfallon #whydonttheymakethat ... "Air Ball" the Broadway musical, starring Dennis Rodman as Dribble, the scoreless peace-keeper (1/2)

@jimmyfallon #whydonttheymakethat ... "My game is still big. It's peace keeping that's gotten small." -- Dribble (2/2)

@jimmyfallon #whydonttheymakethat ... "Flukel" the K.O.-sure doughnut, cooked in fat that's been handed down for centuries

@jimmyfallon #whydonttheymakethat ... "No Laugh Jokes"; imagine -- humor so good it's like you took a silent sit

@jimmyfallon #whydonttheymakethat ... "Thong Wars" starring Dennis Rodman as Undie Anna Jones, a forward girl you'd gladly lose your ark with

2013-04-08 09:22:38 (95 words)

(as a continuation of the smart blonde joke theme, is this fluff-out in smart blonde voice of ER's Leno and the 75 Lamborghinis set-up)


... And it's a tragedy -- how many lambs are now slaughtered to make just one Lamborghini.

We wondered how that came to be. So we Googled "Lamborghini" and "animal husbandry." After scrolling down through several pages of Italian automobile porn sites, we found a link to "The Silence of the Lamborghinis," a documentary about high-tech luxury car production. Like a mirror of the times, it's an interesting story about creative ingenuity, gone terribly, terribly wrong.

It turns out Italy, in the days of the Roman Legions, used up nearly all its iron ore resources producing swords and shields. Armies might fight on their stomachs, but they live or die on their swords. So by the end of the 20th-century steel was hard to come by. With no iron ore left in the country, and importing steel from other countries made impossible by both a railroad system that was totally congested with passenger trains full of smiling "ciao"-faced tourists, and a coastline that was wall-to-wall with anchored yachts, auto manufacturers needed another option.

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2013-04-04 11:23:18 (539 words)

(from twitter #smartblondejoke @zombiedisco101)


#smartblondejoke ... Einstein actually was a blonde. Before he tried the frizzy-white perm look.

#smartblondejoke ... If Barack Obama had run in 2012 as a blonde, he might have won the election by a blondeslide.

#smartblondejoke ... Some people who doubt I'm blonde actually ask to see a pubic hair. So I wear one around my neck now on a chain.
... (lifts bare chain around neck, up and out for audience to see, gently blows on imaginary pubic hair; ... putting chain back) Really -- when was the last time a comedian on stage showed you her pubic hair? ... You realize we're forming a close, personal bond here, right? ... Which at the moment is legal in Los Angeles.

#smartblondejoke ... But before "Legally Blonde," it's true that blondes were forced to live in the outlaw territories of California.

#smartblondejoke ... George Clooney lives part-time in Northern Italy, because he finds the blonde back hair on the men there, to be less offensive.

#smartblondejoke ... There are still so few blonde comedians, you could put us all together in one small, shaved armpit.

#smartblondejoke ... When I went blonde at 14, I had to have a note from my mother. It was Boston and they still had blue laws, and blonde laws.

#smartblondejoke ... Some people think "blonde comedian" is an oxymoron. I don't get it. (turns in silhouette) ... Do you think I look oxy?

2013-04-03 15:17:00 (230 words)

_________________
thanks, rhodo

(from twitter #rudeseal @zombiedisco101)


#fallonmono #rudeseal ... is a seal at the zoo doing Rush Limbaugh impressions as it begs for fish.

#rudeseal ... "Hi, I'm Rush Limbaugh. If Reenie Descartes were alive today he'd say: 'I call in, therefore, I am.' ARRH ARRH!"

#rudeseal ... "Hi. I'm Rush Limbaugh. If people have to think about what you're saying, you're not getting through. ARRH ARRH!"

#rudeseal ... "Hi. I'm Rush Limbaugh. I love the women's movement, especially when I'm walking behind it. ARRH ARRH!"

#rudeseal ... "Hi. I'm Rush Limbaugh. Marriage is between a man and however many women he chooses to marry. ARRH ARRH!"

#rudeseal ... "Hi. I'm Rush Limbaugh. The right to bear arms, and mouths, is protected by the 1st and 2nd 'Anatomy' Amendments. AARH AARH!"

2013-04-03 10:59:32 (131 words)

(from a charloft prompt Twosday: Time. Which is worse: being too busy, or having nothing to do?)


"Being too busy doing nothing," Angie answers. She's on "Washing Out the Laundry of Your Life" with Dr. Bob.

Dr. Bob smiles before responding. He's read the script and knows his line -- "Really? And how much time do you spend 'doing' nothing?" But instead of that he wings it.

"Some might say your latest film, 'Clothes On, Clothes Off,' was 90 minutes of doing nothing. Did it feel that way when you made it?"

Dr. Bob-Tom -- Thomas Worley, the x-producer -- is sitting at a table on a stool just off-set. He shakes his head and mutters: "Je-sus fuck-ing Christ."

Angie smiles back at Dr. Bob. "Sure. It felt exactly like what this feels like, now." The audience is erupting in applause as she turns her head and continues playing to it. "Am I right -- is Dr. Bob not the greatest waste of time currently living on this planet?"

The audience cheers and begins throwing the "Up" and "Down" signs they'd each been given when they entered, toward the stage.

Dr. Bob is glowing. This is what he does -- incite to nearly riot. It feels so primeval it pumps him up, like snorting gene-cocaine. "And we'll be back after this brief word from our sponsors."

The A.D. says "And we're out."

Angie drops her smile to zero. "You are such an ass."

Dr. Bob takes a giant swallow from the water bottle beneath his chair. "In ass meat times, sweetheart, you're either ass meat or you're nothing. And you aren't here because you're nothing."

2013-04-02 09:38:13 (269 words)

_________________
still pimping this music and the Hans Petter Moland movie "Aberdeen" 2000, free on hulu -- Chet Baker singing "I Get Along Without You Very Well" by Hoagy Carmichael

(from twitter #howto @zombiedisco101)


#howto ... make Twitter work for you, in 3 easy steps: 1) be respectful, 2) never say "You're okay, but you're no Facebook"; ...
... 3) after pressing "Tweet" mutter "Good boy, Twitter," or "Good girl, Twitter" if you have girl Twitter.

#howto ... eat crow, in 3 easy steps: 1) leave a trail of breadcrumbs from the street to your oven door; ...
... 2) once inside say "Good-night, Mr. Crow" and shut the door; 3) in the morning serve with corn flakes in your favorite bowl.

#howto ... write comedy, in 3 easy steps: 1) think of something funny; 2) translate into words what the funny thing you're thinking, is; ...
... 3) run spell-check first, then run funny-check.

#howto ... masturbate with good intentions, in 3 easy steps: 1) get the latest issue of "Good Intentions" magazine; ...
... 2) open to "Focus on Your Dream" and find an image of a focus you admire; 3) imagine living in that focus ... while playing background music for the scene on your personal bassoon or piccolo.

2013-04-03 16:21:07 (171 words)

READER BETTY: Bassoon? You're, like, kidding, right?
ZOMBIE DANCE BAND: You seem to know your way around the woodwinds.

(from a charloft prompt Saturday: Quotable Quotes "April is the cruelest month." -- T.S. Eliot)

The first full month of spring, originally called "Hormone Acropolis" by the ancient Greeks, was renamed in 214 A.D. by a Roman, Eddie Two-Shoes.

Eddie'd met this girl, April Jones, and couldn't seem to get her body nomenclature from his head. He liked her head, too, but it was really the stuff between the smooth shoulderlands to the north, and the marsh areas of her southern Apennines, that caught his interest.

Eddie was, after all, what one day would be called "Italian." So spring for him was like a shark, hormone feeding frenzy, with girls in short skirts riding motorscooters.

20130330 13:50 (100 words)

(from twitter #misheardlyrics @zombiedisco101)


"Ain't no sunshine when she's blonde ..."

"When a man loves a wolf man, I know exactly how he feels ..."

"There is a house of nude old queens, they call the rising sun ..."

"Stopped in to a Church's, I passed along the way; well I got down on my knees, got down on my knees, when I had to pay ..."

"Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with toast in the trees and marmalade skies ..."

"How does it feel, to be on your own, with no direction home, like a complete unknown, unlike the Rolling Stones?"

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these chicken wings and learn to fly ..."

"Well she was just 17, you know what I mean, and the way she looked was way beyond her hair ..."

"Well my heart went boom, when I crossed that room, and I held her glands with mine ..."

"Oh, Mama, can this really be the end, to be stuck inside T-Mobile with the menthos blues again."

2013-03-16 10:48:49 (170 words)

(fr a charloft prompt, Saturday: Quotable Quotes. Springboard this: "Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage. Perhaps everything that frightens us is, in its deepest essence, something helpless that wants our love.” -- Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet)


It's Monday of theme week in creative writing 219. Edgar Fillers is sitting on the front edge of his desk.

"It works like this: Today and tomorrow we give-and-take ideas for six stories. Then Wednesday and Thursday take turns reading and commenting on the opening paragraphs you write. Next week we read and comment on the 2.0-2.5K words you've written, all on one story or split between however many you choose."

"And the stories can be anything?" Allison Garmont asks.

"Anything about now," Fillers answers.

"And what is now?"

"Yeah. 'Now' means what?"

"It means just that," Fillers says. "That's the theme to run through all the stories. It's no news flash to anyone trying to write about the world of 2013 -- in a current time that resists being characterized by archetype, metaphor and symbol -- that "now" is difficult to describe. So the stories all involve in some way, that effort, search and exploration. People trying to describe the character of now, without characterizing it by metaphor and symbol."

The forty students in the class are dubious, clueless, or confused.

"We're trying to come up with ideas for the novel that you're trying to write, then?" Andrew Wylie asks to some laughter.

"Absolutely not. I never borrow from the poor," gets more laughs.

"Really. What Wylie said is probably true," Garmont says.

"Yeah. Which is why I said it. We don't make shit up out of thin air. Students aren't that clever."

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2013-02-17 08:43:44 (662 words)

Application to Peruse Your Journal -- Using The Pigly Point System.

- 1) Perhaps no one has ever called you either Tim or Timbuktu. If this be true, please add one point.
- 2) In your add_me post, if our fiction memory serves us right, you stated this: "When I was 12 a boy named Willsteen UneGahvA ['long A,' sub-vocal reading fans, we've forgotten how to write it] once sang beneath my window. The song, if my fiction memory serves me right, included this: 'As sparrows flew into the night/ the moon smiled wide at such a sight/ the tide rolled backward in the sea/ and there, above me on the balcony/ I saw your thingy.'" If our fictional recollection of this fictional account of your life produces the smile of accurate referral, please add one point.
- 3) Nemesis. If you've never had a sister with this name, please add one point.
- 4) Thompson's Formula for Human Reproduction -- boys + girls + social roles = trouble for the species. If this is also your understanding of Thompson's Formula, please add one point.

The Score.
- add all the points together, put them in a bag, put the bag into a trunk (any size of elephant will do), and wait five minutes
- if nothing happens, add us to your "people allowed to read this stuff" list, out of sympathy, compassion, or just the phrase denoted by "wtf"; we aren't picky
- or, not; and just stop reading before you get to here
- or here
- or ... [to the ellipsis, perhaps another sister you never knew]

2013-02-15 22:45:12 (266 words)

(fr a charloft prompt Friday lists: I love ... me -- a list of things you love about you)


1) Penis size -- 18" long, 6" across.
- READER BOO BOO: That sounds like an exaggeration.
- ZOMBIE DANCE BAND: Yeah, I know. Until you see it. Here, look ... (drops jeans).
- RBB: Wow! Is that Gorilla Glue duct tape wrapped around the foam?
- ZDB: Yeah. It's really great duct tape.

2) Capacity for embellishment -- 3 miles north-to-south, 1.5 continents wide.
- RBB: Why so small north-to-south?
- ZDB: Arctic air in February. Damn Canadians.
- RBB: I like Canadians.
- ZDB: Yeah, me too. It's just a meaningless expression.
- RBB: Like the other stuff you write?
- ZDB: I had a feeling you'd catch on.

3) ...
- RBB: That's a pretty short list.
- ZDB: I'm still in my formative years.
- RBB: How long does that go on?
- ZDB: I think death is pretty much the end.

2013-02-15 10:58:50 (138 words)

(fr twitter #CandyHeartRejects)


AMBIVALENT ABOUT YOU FOREVER

THE ONLY SUGAR YOU'LL EVER GET FROM ME

HAPPY VD, DICK-DRIP

YOUR MOTHER'S CUTER

IT'S CANDY, STUPID

YOUR LOVE NEEDS VIAGRA

SPASTIC COLON-HEAD

THIS IS WHAT I WRITE

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2013-02-14 09:39:52 (149 words)

(fr twitter #SOTU [State of the Union])


Don't be surprised to see science fundamentalists in the audience tonight, fact-checking on their stone tablets.

In rebuttal Republicans are expected to again blame liberals for stopping the engine of greed that's needed for economic recovery.

"Greed is good. More greed is even gooder," is the new conservative slogan intended to reframe political debate in "gut-thump terms."

In the new musical "Rome is Burning One More Time," the back-stabbed President asks a famous PAC-Man: "SO_TU, Newtie?"

"Uh-huh," the PAC-Man answers. "It's what we do best, and thinking that it's not is just a lot of sissy fuss."

____________________________

(v 02) Started by the folks who later started Mother's Day, Lent was originally a celebration of how much people owed you.

2013-02-12 17:15:03 (131 words)

(fr twitter #popejokes)


You'd really expect to get more miles than this out of a German Pope.

Where does a "foot washer with experience" find work in this economy?

It will take some getting used to, going from speaking directly to God, to waiting on hold for AT&T customer service.

If the Pope does retire to write a pray-and-tell memoir, he could call it "True Confessions, And a Lot of Made-Up Ones."

Now the Republicans are talking about Marco Rubio and Benedict XVI in 2016. The guy does know how to pretend he has the answers.

But maybe a former Pope as Vice President is not such a great idea. Dick Cheney spoke directly to God, and look what happened.

It might be tough for a retired Pope to find a condo with a balcony overlooking a patio that's large enough to hold everyone in the village.

Centuries from now historians might wonder how Italy came to be the land of Fathers, and Wall Street the land of Mothers.

2013-02-11 18:20:44 (172 words)

(from a charloft prompt drabble Thursday: rainy days and Mondays [always get me down]; 100 words on being stuck inside)


"Wow. That was great."

"Yeah. Great."

"So, pull it out."

"It won't come out."

"What do you mean, it won't come out?"

"It's stuck."

"What do you mean, it's stuck?"

"It won't come out."

"Is this a fucking joke?"

"Yes and no. It's fucking, but no joke."

"What?"

"Don't squirm. Please. We're locked together."

"Like dogs?"

"Apparently. Your last contraction, didn't un-contract."

"Look --

"-- DON'T SQUIRM!!! Really. It hurts."

"Grab the box cutter."

"What?"

"On the shelf behind my head."

"You aren't serious."

"It's the supply room. We'll get caught."

"Sorry. That's not an option."

"I'll do it."

"You aren't serious."

2013-01-31 11:59:07 (100 words)

(from twitter #betternames @zombiedisco101)

- 1) If "deadlines" really were constructive, wouldn't they be called something else?
- 2) "Yeah, really. I had the assignment done, but Windows 8 my homework."
- 3) "soph porn" -- sophisticated, Downton Abbey porn, where dignified males and females engage in long, drawn-out exchanges of sexual etiquette
- 4) "circumcision" -- the new soph porn trend, where the ejaculate of tuxedoed males is sliced by waiters and served on fine china
- 5) "Sunday" -- the one day of the week when people turn off cell phones and computers, then go outside to experience sunlight
- 6) "nerdland" -- a small but growing nation state located somewhere on the Internet, without real borders, leaders, or followers
- 7) "nerdland food" -- pretty much anything to eat that does not require cooking
- 8) "nerdland sex" -- pretty much anything that involves achieving orgasm while thinking about and doing stuff
- 9) "nerdland money" -- what people give you for doing stuff they want you to do, while not doing stuff you want to do
- 10) "nerdland love" -- still more concept than reality, capturing nerdland love can be harder than putting farts inside a bottle

2013-01-27 12:31:47 (182 words)

(from twitter #RomanticComedyWarMovies @zombiedisco101)

Sleepless in Sea Battles
Bringing Up Baby Doc
The Seven Year War Itch
It Happened One Invasion Night
Bombing Run at Tiffany's
Pretty Woman Soldier
Four Patrols and a Lot of Funerals
Bridget Over The River Jones
You've Got Dead Males
Five-Year Hitch
The 40-Year-Old Killer Virgin
There's Something About Mass-Murder
Never Been Bullet-Kissed
My Best Friend's Enlistment
Crazy, Stupid, Combat Love

2013-01-26 16:11:39 (71 words)

(from a charloft prompt Saturday quotes: "Literature is a toil and a snare, a curse that bites deep." David Herbert Lawrence


(scene 27: interior, dim, lit only by the flash of words as they zip like comets through the dark)

1)
REPORTER: Hi. It's Jinx Travail, Channel 6 News, with more news you need to know. Today we're deep inside the English Language Archives, the place where words are entered, retrieved, and archived for future use.

(ducks as words flash past)

REPORTER: More specifically, we're inside the mobile archives in the head of Lester Broome of East Woonsocket, who has allowed this nano-shrunk reporter and camera crew, to enter on a beam of light sent through the pupil of his eye.

2013-01-26 08:55:38 (100 words)

( to no. 2) [and, what, you're saying 'This is all no. 2.'; ha-ha, you are funny]Collapse )

Em,

In a less-than-perfect world, less-than-average mornings might start out something like this.

(scene 27a: a kitchen in the burbs)
- MOTHER TRIBULATION*: (looks up from the kitchen stove, big smile) Morning, sweetheart.
- MACY'S SEX LURE: (half awake) Morn-ing.
- MT: Did you sleep?
- MSL: Yeah. That's what I do. At night. In bed.
- MT: Great.
- MSL: (looks in cupboard) Is there any cereal?
- MT: Sure. There's a new box in the pantry.
- MSL: (glances at the former momma-oven) Why so spirited this morning?
- MT: (sighs, smile flattens out) Got an email from your father last night.
- MSL: Oh, really? What did the deadbeat, runaway have to say?
- MT: The girl has left him.
- MSL: You mean Whiskey Lou, the nine-year-old sex kitten he was living with?
- MT: Apparently so.
- MSL: And you said what to him in reply? Glad to hear it, now you'll have to suck your own balls?

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2013-01-24 11:42:05 (614 words)

(from a charloft prompt, Friday lists: five things we do better than anyone else)

1. Betty Larson
2. Betty Larson's sister, Virginia Slim
3. Virginia Slim's friend, the girl in the rubber Cat Woman costume last Halloween
4. Virginia Slim's other friend, Nasty Habits
5. Anyone who has ever had a passing acquaintanceship with Nasty Habits

2013-01-24 23:47:27 (45 words)

_________________
still pimping this music from the Hans Petter Moland movie "Aberdeen" 2000, free on hulu -- Chet Baker singing "I Get Along Without You Very Well" by Hoagy Carmichael

(from a charloft prompt drabble Thursday: one hundred words on discovery)



The "Victoria," the sole ship, of the original five-ship voyage that Ferdinand Magellan led, to return to Spain three years later in 1522, without Magellan, who was killed the year before in the Philippines. Drawing from a 1590 map by Flemish cartographer Abraham Ortelius.


(chat)
RISKOLOTTO: I can't believe that you have the same wallpaper pic I have
BELLAMEANA: it's spooky; how long have you had yours up?
RISK: two months; a ref about magellan took me to the wiki-p article w/the boat
BELL: same, here; two months ago, a review of a novel in the guardian
RISK: that's it
BELL: the story's on the web in london
RISK: and i'm in san francisco, you're in rome
BELL: and emelia thompson, the writer of "the bell ring of continuum"
RISK: is doing live q&a from the spice islands
BELL: this gives me goose bumps

2013-01-24 13:43:35 (100 words)
_________________
with this music from the Hans Petter Moland movie "Aberdeen" 2000, free on hulu -- Chet Baker singing "I Get Along Without You Very Well" by Hoagy Carmichael

(from a charloft prompt Wednesday: a picture in one word)


... footnote

2013-01-23 16:09:06 (1 word)

... doesn't mean they can't be hot and cold

(from a charloft prompt drabble Thursday: friends are not electric)

"It's ... fuck-ing … freeeez-ing." Melony wraps her arms around her parkaed body and squeezes closer to the limping fire. The blizzard's cut the power to the cottage by the sea. The other birthday guests stayed home.

"The fire won't start because the wood's too cold to burn?" she asks, wrapping her mittened hands around his leg.

Brisco smiles. "The wood will burn eventually. Fire always wins. That's the central theme. Inside the crust of water, ice and rock, the world's a burning coal."

"Great. Wisdom wrapped-and-tied in metaphor. How about a theme that's 'MAKE IT FUCKING WORK'!!! ... Please."

2013-01-19 12:55:27 (100 words)

Mervy and the kids are piling out of the 1953 woody station wagon and heading for the store.

She parks as far away as possible in the northeast corner of the lot, near the trail that takes off through Virgil Thompson's old corn field and the woods that shadow Shaker Creek. It was on a grassy bank of Shaker Creek nine years ago, that Mervy first seeded the beginning of her own field of dreams.

Angie leans into the front, passenger door and slams it hard. In '53 car doors had some weight. At eight years and nine months, she's the oldest. Billy's six, and "Pesky Critter," aka Eloise, is four. Mervy spaced out each conception and release, to give herself some time off from tending the growing roast inside the momma oven.

They've come to Possibilities R Us, today, looking for some bargains. It's two-for-one on early university enrollment, and Mervy's hoping she can get a pair of futures that will fit both Angie and Billy. Both kids are infinitely adaptable, and will look good in most any professional ensemble. She's been thinking about their futures a lot in the past few years, as it's begun to look more and more like the future for the species is quickly fading fast.

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2013-01-18 12:41:49 (472 words)

(from a charloft drabble prompt Saturday: quotable quotes - "This isn't about what is . . . it's about what people think is. It's all imaginary anyway. That's why it's important. People only fight over imaginary things." ― Neil Gaiman, American Gods)

"old god-speak, new god-speak" Eurydice types. Her screen name is "ur_id_is_he," an anti-god-nod joke. "the truth gods all play themselves now"

"furtive" I reply. She's a "furry" who also happens to be furry. I know. I've Googled through the fertile oaken bush and mapped her skin street on my own.

"no coincidence that 'public' is so close to 'pube-lick'"?

"no coincidence is coincidence with story possibilities" I type, then add "old word-play, new word-play, is still word-play"

"the pantheon w/o pants"

"is not a panty-yawn"

"lol; ok, so what's realer-bigger than a god-truth story?" she finally asks.

"everything that's smaller"

2012-12-30 18:07:30 (100 words)
____________________
w/on-jell mewzick "Salinas"
laura marling, lyrics

... from stuff left elsewhere

Three fan-boy music Christmas wishes. One wish, really, with three examples. Well, just two examples, with one lead-in. The wish: to hear Laura Marling doing more rhythm-bluesy stuff like examples no. 2 and 3 below, with example no. 1, the lead-in, being the big, life lead-in -- the simple and creative indie pov that starts in kid-dom and, if we're lucky, expands and keeps rolling through a life.

no. 1, "Alas I Cannot Swim" with animation by musicANDmuffins

no. 2, "Ghosts" with Marcus Mumford

no. 3, "Salinas"

(lyrics)

Happy Holidays.

2012-12-24 09:30:13 (147 words)

... from a charloft prompt Drabble Thursday: overtime

"How the fuck can you say you have to work 'overtime,' when you aren't getting 'paid'?" Fiona asks. "And, really, how is it even 'work'?" I don't answer. It's not a question.

"I'll find someone else," she says.

"Fine."

"Fine. Have fun feeling up the words." She hangs up. I hang up.

She's right, and wrong. Social value systems might be what determines how the gold gets passed around, but the work that is, or is not, rewarded, is always about just one, individual thing -- one head and body doing something, in time and space, that wasn't there before.

20121222 15:52 (100 words)

... from a charloft prompt Friday lists: ghosts from our own Christmas past, present and future that continue to write our lives

past
- 1) Zeblum Fartingle, M.D. -- Interrupted at a dinner party when Zombie Dance Band's ZombieMamma's water broke, he arrived twenty minutes late at Tupelo General, just in time to sign the official zombie death-birth certificate. "Should we notify the authorities?" Nurse Jackie asked, her fingers curled around a percocet. "Nah," Fartingle answered, heading back home to the party. "Kid looks normal to me." Wtf do doctors know?
- 2) The Village Smithy -- Albert Smith was a quiet soul who sat, most afternoons, on the bench donated by The Ladies Guild at the bus stop on the corner of Forest Street and Gump. Sitting on that bench today, I can still hear the ghost of Albert humming show tunes, transposing everything into the key of E-flat minor with a "walking to the graveyard slow" New Orleans beat.
- 3) Mrs. Rimsbie -- Alice Rimsbie taught third grade for forty years, and was credited by the State Department of Corrections with being "the party primarily responsible for over 300 incarcerations in just this state alone," though each one of her felon graduates still displays an amazing command of grammar and sentence structure. We like to think that's because the bars of cell doors are no barrier to verbal visitations from Alice and her ruler.

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2012-12-21 12:13:14 (738 words)

from a charloft prompt Munday: questioned airs

- Your driving's great. We are constantly amazed at how few people are actually run over, considering all the people who post stuff to the web as they drive. We give you two thumbs up.
- 1) We don't use charloft as often as we did, now that our health insurance has made us choose between Zoloft for our head, or Viagra for our other head. It was a tough choice, but we went with the tiny head because we are so humble.
- 2) We use charloft for inspiration, also known as "writing prompts." Like this, which you may think of as more "typing" than actual "writing." For us Thomas Wysiwyg was right when he said: "If it involves a keyboard that produces letters instead of music, you can tell your Mom it's writing."
- 3) We've been spending a lot of time, lately, on Deface Book, a new anti-social network that we feel will soon be the next humongous IPO ("It's Pure Zero") worth ka-zillions (again, the lesson from the 2008 collapse of the financial markets is that money has no meaning). The thing about Deface Book is that it's all so real, as we've become so much more talented at making enemies than we ever were at making friends.

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2012-12-19 12:04:44 (454 words)

... in the dark

It's dark when I awake, head against the window of the train. A smudge of drool is pressed between the window and my cheek like a dewy, keepsake flower I've brought back home from dreamland. I wipe the flower off both cheek and glass with the shoulder of my sweatshirt, then look around.

The girl is gone. Parka, knapsack, book -- no trace, Just vanished. The train car's empty, the faint red glow of "exit" signs above the doors at either end giving off the only light in the clickety-clack-clack night. Across the dark farm fields scrolling by outside the window of the train, are the scattered lights of houses floating, now, above the dark and fallow fields, like loosely-clustered Earth stars.

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2012-12-19 09:16:03 (478 words)

Calendar of events:
- 12-19, Christmas break begins
- 12-20, Amtrak south to Tootletown, cab to Old Pines Home for Old Pines Residentials, a "park-like [oldster] campus on the gentle shores of Tootle Creek, where [the yet-to-be departed] residents can enjoy their golden [fogged-in] years in one-bedroom cottages, each with country kitchens, separate bath and compact washer-dryer [-- and lots of room for those weekly, oldster-swinger get-togethers ('Move it right, Edgar!' Eunice shouts. 'What?!!?' 'RIGHT!!!!' 'Oh. Right.' 'Right.' 'What?!!?']."

The quote above from a recent Old Pines brochure with my revisions. I'm writing this on the train, passing the corn and soybean fields of industrial-agricultural heartland America, half way between the ivy-clingy walls of acrid-dame-ee-ya, a mental institution with classes in higher education, and my Christmas with the ancients.

Not that I don't like Great-Aunt Frissie like a bee butt likes a flower. And school's been actually okay this year, after "the glottis" -- the opera diva tart in training -- finally moved out and left the rental house in a silence that was truly missed by her remaining roommates. And not that I don't like opera, either. Just not constantly and without intermissions.

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2012-12-07 12:20:37 (829 words)

... Xmas music, 2012

1) Jimmy Fallon, Mariah Carey, The Roots and The Roots Singers "All I Want For Christmas Is You" with classroom instruments

... and American cheese doodles

- what: IDeeYuhs

- for: RomComSitComDrahmFanPantasy FilmTv

- title: "LA2"; a redundancy of 1) the abbreviation of Los Angeles, plus 2) Losers Anonymous, a new fad in self-help groups that began in L.A. and has now spread across the country, which the characters in this story occasionally refer to in passing, actively talk about, visit, frequent, or fear like a black hole that is pulling them closer each day; "Hi. I'm Bankroll Bob and I'm a loser." "Hi, Bob."

- main story theme: Los Angeles as symbol-town for the fading, bountiful possibility of achieving fame and fortune from what is, essentially, a cultural dreamland theme park, as the lives of those who live there are all touched in some way by both the heady dreams and nightmares of social fame and fortune winners, and the opposite -- a place where losers become the anonymous wind-blown ticket stubs of a dreamland closed.

- theme song: see 1) below; in terms of story theme, with both the holder, and object, of dreamland love, living in a place that is yet to be

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2012-12-05 12:46:39 (754 words)
______________
- 1) listening to Kathleen Munroe singing "I'll Hold You In My Heart" written by Eddy Arnold, covered by Elvis Presley and others
- 2) and watching this Crankytown Public Service Announcement about the famous Crankytown cramp eraser -- Oh, Canada, you are too good to be true ...

It's barely light at Westside Park the morning past Thanksgiving. Darly's sitting on a swing between the ball fields and the woods that border Thornton Creek. She's come here since before her head contained a memory of place, when everything was still inside a fuzzy close-up cloud without the step-back space to see a present and a past, an inside and an outside, a me and you.

Inside that cloud everything is equally distinguished. There is no difference, break or line to mark one thing from another. The difference breaks come later as they grow and orbit round each other like a beating universe in miniature stuffed inside a brain case, expanding and contracting in complexity as space and time in three dimensions unfolds and enfolds on itself, in a quantitative-qualitative interplay.

Darly's body's barely moving, head partly down, eyes staring out-of-focus at the blue-black ground, the swing just orbiting her beat-up running shoes. She's twenty-five and wearing baggy sweats. It's her reason to be up and out this morning, for a run, after a day of piggy-gluttony with food and alcohol consumption, at the family home that she's returned to for the annual cultural check-in, late-harvest early-winter feast.
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2012-11-29 10:04:04 (697 words)
_____________________
Listening to Laura Marling singing "Tap At My Window" and "What He Wrote" (with lyrics here), thank you patty a for the Marling link, and England, eh?

#4WordsAftaSex ... please untie me now; did something just move? wonder what mom's doing; farting is not hot; my semen's almost pasteurized; it's called "wrinkle cream"; your anus seemed lonely; you scream really loud; what -- you're a cop!? it's usually so hard; can I try again? you always fake it? you attended "moan school"? orgasms are not everything; your vagina's very muscular; you do "vagina push-ups"? what -- you'll come later? 30 seconds isn't "fast"; I call him Peter; it's cum, not gum; it tastes like Clorox? you're like your mother; "oral," not "aural," sex; I don't come clean

2012-11-28 13:41:05 (113 words)

... and giving thanks

Thanksgiving is the time of year when we can all give thanks for birth control. Really. Imagine how much more trying this annual family get-together might be with two hundred people at the table. Imagine how long it would take to pass the gravy. The "gravy boat" would have to be the size of an actual boat.

And the table would have to be extended to at least the next street. Maybe that's one reason 17th-Century Europeans decided to pack up the rental truck and move to North America -- there was a lot of room for bigger dinner tables. And a lot of turkeys. There still are a lot of turkeys, if you include the ones who are actually homo sapiens. In the 1600s oceans were also an effective tool for dividing large cell-block families into smaller, open units.

Our founding fathers might have made the turkey the national bird, if members of the Pennsylvania delegation hadn't objected that it would seem too much like eating Benjamin Franklin.

It's really not a healthy act, to eat your political leaders. Just ask the Republicans. Pretty soon eating your political leaders becomes a vicious cycle, and you can't stop wondering why you have no political leaders left. Just ask the Republicans.

In the US, having a celebration feast just a few weeks after electing a leader for the wilderness settlement, has always had its pitfalls. Pitfalls, with pit bulls digging pits of endless reconstruction of the income and the outcome.

But with all the energy and national currency now expended in characterizing what elections are about, the simple act of actually "voting" has begun to seem too undramatic to be American. When did Americans become such drama queens?

Maybe that's the point. Elections, like family get-together feasts, are now more about making big deal dramas out of everything, than they are about just dealing with what we've made, so we can all finally have dessert.

And speaking of just desserts -- it seems only right that Hostess, now, would finally go belly up, after doing that to the bodies of so many people.

But it's sad the national chain of bakeries that gave the world Twinkies, Snow Balls and Ding Dongs, will stop being there, for the world, when we could really use "a little sugar."

2012-11-22 08:46:26 (379 words)

___________
Thanksgiving present from link at @PattyArquette, a Laura Marling song "Tap At My Window" with lyrics here

... natural-unnatural world videos from TED (Technology, Entertainment, Design) conferences, from Daryl Hannah @dhlovelife twitter link

... in reading between the lines of Grover Norquist on taxes from this, by Dana Milbank of "The Washington Post"

- Grover Norquist on Electile Dysfunction: "You can't fondle the third-rail of American politics too much."

- MRS. NORQUIST: (knocks on locked door to Grover's room) Grover? What are you doing in there?
- GROVER: (fondling faster, voice strained) It's called "making the world a ... BETTER place."

2012-11-20 10:43:27 (46 words)

#LessInterestingBooks
The Scarlet Email, On Walled-In Pond, Moby Dickhead, The So-So Gatsby, To Kill a Chicken Bird, The Bribel, Animal Factory Farm, Sense and Lack of Sensibility, The Gripes of Wrath, Lord of the Frequent Flyer Miles, Alice in One Fucked-Up Land, Minimal Expectations, An American Tragic-Romantic-Action-Comedy, Native Son-of-a-Bitch, The Importance of Making Earnest Money, A Tale of Two Shities, The Heart is a Lonely Cunter, The Adventures of Shylocked Homes, Hot Passage to In'Ya, Brave New Cell Phone World, Oliver Is Twisted, A Cupboard of One's Own, Old Man and the "See, I Told You," A Portrait of the Artist and His Young Glands, You-IS-His, Sons and Other Lovers, Tender is the Night-Night, The Golden Bowel, As I Lay Lying, Lolita Without Photos

2012-11-20 08:31:12 (137 words)

#toiletrock
U#2, The Moody Loos, The Sex Pissed Alls, Crabbas, John MelonCramps, Dick-Sting, The Poolice, The Stall Doors, Earth Wind Fire Pee, The Who Loo, Girl Jam, Red Hot Willie Peppers, Dixie Dicks, TrafFuck, Bruce Springsteen and The E. coli Street Band, Sly and the Manly Stones, PeeDance Clearwater Revival, R.E.A.M.ed, Issac Hayes had a Movement, The Jacks-off Five, The Roaches, The KinkSinks, The Velvet Undergown, The Whitey-Tidy Stripes, Sigh Moan & Fart Wrinkle, Jefferson Bare Plain, The Bitch Boys, It's a Beautiful Bidette

2012-11-19 18:40:11 (92 words)

#SadIceCreamFlavors
- 1) Pubic Sprinkles; 2) Brain Freeze Dog Sled; 3) ExcreMint; 4) Toenail Crunch; 5) Gestapo Sunrise; 6) Fuck Juice Ice

2012-11-09 12:05:55 (21 words)

#RockyMountainHigh
- Nov. 8, 2012 - "With just 2 weeks until Thanksgiving, ganja stuffing recipes are the hottest downloads in Colorado."
- GRANNY TUTOR: More stuffing, Jimmy?
- JIMMY: (no response, pea bowling on his plate with a fork)

- Nov. 8, 2012 - "Construction begins on Inhale, Colorado, the new ski resort town several thousand feet above Aspen."

- Nov. 8, 2012 - "Across Colorado, male office workers have begun showing up with roach clips holding down their ties."

- Nov. 8, 2012 - "Colorado changes state flower from the Columbine to the Crusty Hookah."

- Nov. 7, 2012 - "Colorado makes the use of "weed killers" a capital offense."

- Nov. 7, 2012 - "Zig-Zag announces plan to move rolling papers factory from Lo Mein Sweathouse, China, to Inhale, Colorado."

- Nov. 7, 2012 - "University of Colorado Boulder announces plan to change team mascot to "The Bong Squad."

- Nov. 7, 2012 - "Warner Brothers announces plans for "Reefer Madness - The Western" starring Sharon Stoned as Toki Hashish."

- August 7, 2020 - "As Colorado wild fires continue, smoke moving east may have changed Kansas for the better."

- Nov. 5, 2012 - "Denver, the mile high city." Nov. 7, 2012 - "Denver -- even higher."

- Nov. 7, 2012 - "John Denver, a head of his time: 'One day people will legally rise up from the weed, and be free.'"

2012-11-09 12:00:59 (209 words)

1) If the point of art (or science) is to make > people = speechless = thinking > then how does "I have a comment, therefore, I am" help people achieve said state of equation equilibrium -- without, you know, needing to find their "equi" through buying-and-selling a shitload of "librium"? (Or, 1a) is that just what modern privateering-marketeering is about -- making money on what we're doing wrong? 1b) A: ___ if you don't see "yes" here, then, please, save yourself some aggravation and just move on.)

Or, 2) which came first: the hard-plopped egg of thinking or the clucking act of making comment?

Or, 3) how is making comment (example 1) a lot like making doo-doo?

(scene 27: 1969 Edgy Terrace; interior; day)

- HARVEST FURY: (on toilet, off the downstairs hall; yelling) Honey?!! Where's the tinky wrap?!!

- BOOTY LOU: (at kitchen sink skinning dinner; mutters to self) Can't you find just one ... freaking ... thing ... on your freaking own?

2012-11-04 09:11:28 (167 words)

Three days before a "big" election, Woodstone's writing down just how voting works.

Tall, lean, and often called "a drink of water too long for a glass," Woodstone Hanson Etheridge Thomson Gould, III, is anything but liquid. He has all the emotional responsiveness of geology in action. His friends refer to this a "rock solid," or more often "stonely," and usually call the boy by his universal nickname "Third."

Third likes the nickname much better than his full, five-word-one-number name. He's not impressed by the length of anything. Which might seem like a walking contradiction for someone who is six-four and still growing. At 18 years eight-months, he's pretty sure that contradiction won't get much taller. Which is fine with him, since he's grown quite attached to his latest pair of Avias.

His phone begins to dildo in the right-front pocket of his jeans. Third's sitting on the stone wall behind the student union, knapsack on the wall beside him, a 5x7 notebook open on a thigh, Pilot ballpoint in his left hand, and looking at the lake for inspiration.

He pulls the phone out and flips it open, glancing at the screen. "Yes, sweet mother dearest. What brings your hot yet winsome voice into my wanton ear?" Mother Gould is not surprised. She's used to having conversations with her son that sound like they are both lusty, Elizabethan courtiers.

"Oh, you're writing," she replies. "I'm glad I'm not interrupting your bed athletics with Vixen 27."

"It's 29. And this obsession with your son's bedmates might be something you could talk about with Dr. Strangelove," Third says.

"It's Dr. Feelgood. You know Strangelove lost his psycho-babble license a year ago."

"Right. I'm sure one day I'll keep better track of all your head lice."
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2012-11-03 11:51:16 (611 words)